I haven't blogged for ages so decided it's time. I have a huge endocrine test tomorrow followed by a neuro test on Wednesday. There aren't enough hours in the day to be prepared for them both. And then part of me just doesn't care, because there is somewhere else I want to be. I want to be home with my family and with my Poppa, I want to do something. I want to feel at peace with what's happened and some kind of closure, but instead I just feel a big, open, unresolved sadness that I can't overcome. My visit home in May will help I'm sure. It's hard when people who weren't close to their grandparents don't understand how hard it is for those of us who are. I told one of my friends and they said "oh, I"m sorry" and then moved on and that was that, like it was no big deal. I didn't tell anybody at school, which I don't know if it makes it harder or easier, trying to pretend like everything is fine. Then I don't feel like I should be so upset: I'm fortunate to have been so close to her, she was suffering and ready to go, it's selfish of me to be trying to hold on so tight. I just wish I could have seen her one more time and said goodbye, but I need to stop dwelling on that wish, because I can't change it. I just need to go home and say an official goodbye, and let it all out.
In other news....well, there's not much. I think we have about 6 weeks left of school, then Matthew and I are off to L.A. for Christopher's graduation, then we or I will head out to Spokane for a few days, then I will be a second year PT student! Annabelle should be here any day now, so that will brighten the world a little bit :)
